Ayahuasca Ceremony, what to expect? My monkey mind was fulfilled with expectations, feelings and worries during the preparation for my first Ayahuasca Ceremony.
- What if I vomit?
- What if I shit myself?
- What if I lose control?
- What if I die?
Here I want to share with you some of the thoughts that I had in case you are going through the same thinking process as me.
Hopefully, I can help you to feel less worried and/to have less expectation about the Ayahuasca Ceremony. These little tips could make it easier to embrace all the lessons that Ayahuasca will give you.
First of all, it is normal to have all these questions if you never experienced anything like this before.
We are not crazy! We are just cautious lol.
Below are some examples of the kind of thoughts that came up during my preparation week for the Ayahuasca experience …
What if I vomit?
I didn’t want to vomit. I don’t like the smell and the idea that everybody is vomiting around me is quiet disgusting and odd, to be honest.
Well, sorry to say but you probably will vomit and It is quite normal during Ayahuasca ceremonies. It is not pleasant but you will get used to it eventually.
In my ceremony, everybody received a bucket and toilet paper. I also had baby wipes with me as a little extra just in case (not environmental friendly I know and a bit of me “taking control again”. But it made me feel safer).
Vomiting in Ayahuasca doesn’t mean that you are just cleaning up your physical body.
Vomiting means that you are cleaning up your soul from all the hard feelings, frustrations, traumas, negative energies, ego and so on.
It is like getting rid off all the bad layers that we carry within ourselves.
Layers of our own protection to don’t feel hurt again.
Layers that stop us feeling vulnerable, light and love.
Layers that stop us being in the moment and take us to the past and/or the future.
You will never be as please to vomit, as in the Ayahuasca ceremony. Guaranteed!
What if I shit myself?
I was worried that during the ceremony I would shit myself as I heard that some people experienced diarrhoea after drinking the tea.
The thought of losing control was probably my biggest fear.
Unfortunately, there are not much to say about that. Just try to keep a good diet and not eat too much on the day of the ceremony.
No food in your belly … nothing to come out!
I had a very light breakfast to keep me on the safe side.
I took some spare clothes and fast from breakfast until I drank the tea around 8.30pm.
If that happened to you. Just let be.
It is easy to say but the outcome of the experience is far more important.
Nobody will judge you and people are far too busy in their own process.
The Shaman will be there to give you support if you need it.
You can ready more about Ayahuasca Preparation Diet on my previous blog post.
What if I lose control and don’t know who am I?
What if I think that I am a bird and decide to fly out of the window?
Impossible we were on the first floor and there are not need for such worry. Said the Shaman.
Talking is very important. I strongly recommend you do during the preparation week.
Daan (our shaman) was very nice and kind to explain me everything.
He said that whatever happens I will be assisted and looked after.
Just embrace the moment, surrender and trust the medicine and the shaman.
It is important that you seek for a professional shaman/group with the right spiritual intentions.
Follow the medical guide rules and remember that not everybody can take the medicine.
Talk to the shaman/healer/organiser and he/they will be able to assess your case and check if this medicinal tea is right for you.
My expectations and feelings before my experience
I had two main expectations related to my ayahuasca experience:
- Work on negative beliefs for my spiritual/personal growth
- My career path in a new country.
A bit of background:
For a long time, I am pursuing acting and presenting as career alongside with my events and project management jobs.
I know that moving to the Netherlands, without speaking the language means to put the acting dream aside.
Letting go my dreams to live with a man that will support me financially while I don’t have a job was not a too easy situation to accept.
I don’t like to depend on people or to ask for money.
I always being on my own and looked after myself since a young age.
Emotionally I was also feeling very unsettled and had all types uncertainties coming up all the time.
Am doing right to change everything for a man that I believe to be my soulmate?
Am I going to start from 0 again at age 37?
New country, new language, be a stepmom of two kids from my boyfriend previously relationship?
No money, no jobs, no friends and no family?
Am doing right?
I already did this 12 years ago when I decide to move from Brazil to England.
I want to get married and have kids. What if I am wasting my time again?
Maybe acting is not for me … and I should be a teacher, or something else?
What can I do in the Netherlands as a job that can make me happy?
Constantly having all these thoughts can be quite tiring at a time. If ayahuasca could give me any insights …
or at least help me to control this monkey mind that keeps wondering on the “ What if” world that would be wonderful.
I just want a break and breath!.
To be honest, a very little I could do in regards to my monkey mind during the preparation.
The more I push my thoughts way the more the thoughts were there.
Sometimes I acknowledged the thoughts but I tried my best to not feed the monkey mind if you know what do I mean.
Anyway, all research and the talks that I had with the experienced Ayahuasca drinkers during my preparation week …
Helped me to feel calmer, better prepared and excited for my experience.
The conclusion was that drinking Ayahuasca doesn’t mean that I will have the answers.
That is not how the medicine works.
It is not about what I want to see but what the plant wants me to see.
I don’t have control on the Divine.
My best is: Don’t expect anything. Embrace the moment and surrender to this intelligent feminine energy. Ayahuasca knows what we need. Trust!
This is it for now and I hope you like it. Please feel free to leave any comments or questions.
Remember for each of us there are different roads to pursue spiritual/personal growth. I chose Mother Ayahuasca for now. You maybe choose something else.
Don’t miss out my next post about the ceremony day.
Have a lovely week with love, laugh and light